Red Roses Final

With the way things worked out this part is super small. I suppose I could have made the previous one smaller to allow this one to have more words but that would have cut it in a odd place. I played with the formatting of what was the final paragraph, because why not.

         -Rose B.

Red Roses

final

    Now, I'm here under the thriving roses, watching you plant pansies in the new girl. So she was just fertilizer to you after all. I can't feel her yet like I feel the others. They have become too consumed by the flowers to remember much at all, but I wonder how much she'll remember.

    Will anyone miss her like they miss me? You played the role of a grieving boyfriend well.

    Did you find it ironic when your sister consoled you next to my roses?

    Were some of your sobs full of laughter when she promised to find me?

    I wonder...did you actually care for me?

          What were the lies?

                    How much is true?

    You sit next to my roses on moon lit nights but you never say a word.

    You speak to me during the day so why not at night?

   

Is there something that holds your tongue?

Do you realize...

I can sill hear you?

 

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Roses are Red 6

Roses are Red

6

    I laughed and found a vase, "I don't plan on using flowers as a garnish but if I ever do I'll be sure to keep them separate."

    In the spring I helped you plant Annuals and replace the dead Perennials. You did the actual planting while I watered the new plants. It took us a couple weeks but when we were done two-thirds of your backyard was covered in green plants. As we surveyed our work I noticed a patch of dirt near the house.

    I pointed at it, "What are we going to put there?"

    You ran your hand through your hair, "Not sure, flowers I've tried in the past have had a hard time."

    "What about roses? There's not a single rose in your garden."

    You thought about it and agreed. I help you order the roses and you told me that you would prepare a special fertilizer to help them. I was curious but you just winked at me and said I'd have to wait until the roses arrived.

    I enjoyed that time of sitting in your garden, feeling the sun on my skin watching you take care of the flowers. You fit in with the garden just like you had in Starbucks. The flowers seemed to shine for you and you would smile at them. The sunlight made you glow with life, sometimes out of the corner of my eye it seemed like you had a halo. In those moments you really looked like a fallen angel. I once asked you how you got the flowers to grow so well and you smiled at one of the daisies in front of you and said, "Because I talk to them."

    That smile was different from the ones you gave to me, there was more of an edge to it, a darkness. I assumed it was bitterness and sorrow, so I left it alone. That smile is the only one I see now. Back then I thought you were smiling at the flowers, but you weren't were you. You were smiling at what was underneath.

    The day the roses came it was warm and sunny. I drove over to your house as soon as I could. You laughed at my excitement and called me adorable. The truck was bigger than I expected as were the rose bushes. I watched as they were unloaded and you directed the workers where to leave the plants. I wanted to plant them right away but you said it would be easier after it had cooled off a little. We went inside and you made some tea your mother had given you. The last thing I remember is the tea tasted more bitter than I remembered.

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Foreteller

Extra post for my birthday month. It's longer than my usual posts but I didn't want to do more than one extra post this month.

             -Rose B.

Foreteller

    The first one is never easy, but there is always one that never leaves you. At the time it may seem no different than any other, but no matter how many songs you'll sing the memory of it will never fade. It will come to you in the most mundane moments, keep you up at night, and make you wonder if you are going insane. Even as I lay here barely breathing on my own, I still see it as if it happened only moments ago...

    The first time I saw him is the image that haunts me the most. Summer was beginning it counterattack against winter. Patches of grass triumphed over the snow's reign. The sky shifted between gray clouds and the blue sky. He was at a table with friends surrounded by the sun's warmth, and when he laughed the sunlight was almost blinding. I was so startled by his smile I almost dropped my books into the dirty melting snow. The skin on his arm was already gray. Every time he moved the Ash fell from him and vanished before reaching the ground. I gave a moment to mourn before continuing on my way.

    Honestly, in that first interaction, he was like any other stranger. I didn't have a sense of foreboding about singing for him. I only spoke a handful of words to him and I don't even remember his name. I know child, it's odd that he is the one that sticks with me. I've spent many hours trying to figure out why but I've never reached an answer.

I didn't see him again until winter was in its final struggle. Small pockets of snow only existed in the coldest of shadows where the heat of the clear sky couldn't reach. I bumped into him as he was coming out of a building. the Ash had reached his neck, almost his whole arm looked like peeling paint. I jumped into the shade, trying not to show anything on my face.

    He smiled, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

    "It's alright," I murmured, my voice little more than a whisper. He didn't reply and maybe he didn't hear me. On my hand, Ash sunk into my skin looking for the similar darkness in me. My eyes followed his carefree back until he turned a corner and I knew I couldn't avoid this any longer.

    I saw him more frequently after that, the Ash slowly increasing and smoke pouring from the cracks. I wondered if some part of him knew what was coming. Was his skin rough where the Ash had claimed him? Did his joints creak, bones ache, and muscles spasm? Could he feel pieces of him falling away like old memories? I imagined his smile looking forced as summer progressed but none of his friends seemed to worry or even notice.

    Songs are never abrupt, spur of the moment things. The urge always occurs before. You might be able to ignore it for a time but it won't go away. It will only crescendo as the song does. It will feel like it's tearing your throat apart but if you sing to early you won't be able to stop until it's over...

    The urge started in the height of summer's rule when the sun beat down, and everything struggled under the heat. Most of his body was covered in Ash but his smile was just as bright. I told myself it wasn't time yet and swallowed the song. The urge grew into a need and I withdrew from conversations, afraid that if I opened my mouth the song would spill out in place of my words. In these moments my throat is so dry it feels like it's sticking together. I hear the melody in my sleep and catch myself humming the haunting tune.

    You won't miss the timing to sing, the song won't let you. The song resides in us but it does not belong to us. You will never forget it, but even if you try to sing it any other time you won't be able to. We are just the messengers and when it is time the song will flow like spring water.

    It was a day of dark skies, threatening rain when it arrived. I watched from the roof as he chatted with friends. His stride unhindered, unburdened, even though he was covered in smoke and I wondered how he hadn't fallen apart from the Ash alone. Thunder rolled through the air obscuring the sound of the truck. In the next breath, the song burst from my lungs as he was dragged under. The notes started soft but grew with the screams. Rain cooled the air as it waltzed to the shifting melody. Unnoticed by the commotion below, the slow refrain filled up the empty places. Carried on by the sirens it pierced the hearts of all those who heard it. Skin prickled and hair stood on end as the chill settled in their bones.

Roses are Red 5

Roses are Red

5

    On Thanksgiving you met Mama and Papa. Mama was overjoyed, she hugged us several times and couldn't stop talking about how good we looked together and we were obviously meant to be. Papa peppered you with random questions throughout dinner, but he calmed down a bit once he discovered you were a law student. It was obvious mam loved you as she would use anything as an excuse to talk more with you. Papa slowly warmed up but seemed content by the time we left. On the sidewalk you said my family was lovely and I wondered if you really thought that. Now I think you were telling the truth as you still see my mother on occasion.

    Some time before December I met your sister, when she suddenly stopped by to visit you. She was just as energetic as I imagined and just like you warned she called you nothing but Lucy. When you ran out to grab lunch I asked her for the story behind your nickname. She smiled and said there wasn't much to tell. She thought you were a huge jerk as a teenager and would secretly call you Lucifer. You made her so mad one day that she almost blurred it out with your parents in the room. She quickly shortened it to Lucy and it caught on. You came back and quietly added that now everytime she calls you it, it gives her a good laugh.

    I met your mother at Christmas. She was sweet woman and it was obvious you loved her. She loved the homemade fudge I brought anad asked me for the recipe. Sometimes I wonder if she makes it, and if it reminds you of me or if you've forgotten I was the one who introduced it to your family.

    New years we spent together. I made food and you brought roses and lilies. I told you it reminded me of the cheesy poem. You laughed and almost sang to me,

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Lilies are pure

And I love you

I don't think I was ever happier in my life then in that moment. Life seemed perfect and the future seemed laid out before me.

    Valentine's Day you brought me a bouquet of snap dragons and two flowers I didn't recognize. One was clusters of small purple pink flowers the other were fluffy looking light pink flowers.

    "What are these?" I asked.

    You smiled and pointed at the light pink flowers, "These are Begonias, I've heard that sometimes they are used for garnish on food." You switched to the clusters, "these are Rhododendron. They are slightly poisonous so don't eat them."

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Roses are Red 4

Roses are Red

4

    "Does your sister help out with the flower shop too?"

    "When she can, She's a cop so it's harder for her to drop everything and come help. What about you, do you have any siblings?"

    "No it's just me and my parents, they wanted more kids but, as mom likes to day, it just wasn't in the cards for them."

    We reached the door of the dessert shop and you opened the door for me. The shop was surprisingly empty, besides the two employees there was only two other customers. We ordered cookies and a slice of cake and picked a table. Once we were situated you started the conversation again. "You know I do gardening but what do you like to do in your free time?"

    "I read books or watch whatever is on tv. What do you do in the winter when there are no plants to take care of?"

    "I'm sad to say I read law books and sleep."

    I laughed, "So you must really want to practice law."

    You smile at me, "More like I just want to be done with school. Why did you choose business?"

    "It was mostly to help my parents but they needed me before I completed the degree."

    The night grew longer as we talked. I don't remember most of the conversation topics, the things I learned about you in the beginning now seem like things i always knew. I do remember on the small porch of my town-home you told me you found me interesting and wanted to get to know me better. It seemed like a dream to me, I fully expected to wake up the next day to find me life had returned to normal. It wasn't a dream, though now sometimes I wish you had been. We were too busy to see each other often but we talked through messages and phone calls. When we had time we would see movies or visit local restaurants. You gave gardening tips and I showed you how to cook.

    The first time I visited your house, I was amazed at how clean everything was. You promised it was because you weren't here enough to get it dirty. On your mantle I noticed only the photos of your dad were older. You explained that your dad had died of cancer a couple years ago, leaving your mom to take care of the flower shop. You said the first year was especially tough but your mom has been doing better recently. I didn't really know what to say as the only death I had experienced was that of a pet cat. The darkness in your eyes seemed to deep and old for me to traverse lightly, so I just stood next to you and looked at the photos. We eventually moved onto other topics but that was the first time I noticed that you hide things behind your smile.

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Roses are Red 3

Roses are Red

3

    "That's nice of you. What does he do?"

    "He runs a small car dealership. I can't do selling but at least I can help out with paperwork and phone calls."

    I glanced up to see you nodding, "I get that. My parents started a small flower shop and I still help out when needed."

    "Is that where you learned about flowers?"

    "Yep, you learn quick when people have no idea what they're looking for but want to make sure the flower meanings are correct. I started growing my own when I started college. It's a great way to de-stress."

    "Maybe I should learn more about gardening then."

    You smiled, "I could bring you a couple books to get you started." I nodded and your smile widened, "Great, since we just did the coffee thing, how about I take your to dinner? I'll bring the books and we can go over them together."

    I agreed and you gave me your phone number so I could tell you when I wasn't busy. From the beginning you were easy to talk to and made me laugh. I wanted to keep talking to you, but I let you leave with only a friendly "see you". I left as soon as you were out of sight and almost flew home. I called mama and she was ecstatic insisting i bring you over for family dinner. I tried to explain we had only really talked once but she didn't care, she was just happy that her little girl was finally interested in another human.

    I was able to text you my schedule the next day and you were happy to tell me that our schedules matched up enough that we could go on Saturday. i agreed that it worked for me and you asked if I had any allergies for foods I disliked. The answer to both questions was no. You told me to plan on sushi and we agreed on a time. The rest of the week passed quickly and before I knew it, it was Saturday. You took me to a popular sushi place and, despite it being rather full, the noise didn't bother me as we talked. As we flipped through the books you pointed out what worked for you and what didn't. What I should be wary of growing in the Rockies and what thrived in this area. After the meal, and with gardening books safely tucked under your arm, we began walking to a little dessert shop nearby.

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Roses are Red 2

Roses are Red

2

    "Hey, I feel I should apologize again for the other day," you said.

    I tugged at my scarf, wishing it would hide me, "It's alright I should have been looking where I was going."

    You sighed and scratched the back of your head, "Normally I don't check the grounds right in the walk way so I feel responsible."

    "What do you use them for?" I asked looking at the bag in your arms.

    "I make a special fertilizer out of them, not that I can grow anything with winter right around the corner."

    "Why do you keep getting coffee grounds then?"

    "Most of my backyard is for flowers so I need a lot of grounds and it's easier to get them when not everyone wants them."

    "That must take a lot of work."

    You smiled again and I couldn't help but think you were an angel who had fallen out of heaven, "It is but I love doing it."

    The barista called out a butchered form of my name and you follow me over, "Do you garden?"

    I shrugged as I grabbed the warm drink, "I make sure the plants in my house and the bushes outside have plenty of water."

    "At least you take care of the plants you do have." You pushed up your glasses, a habit I would come to recognize you'd do when you remembered something, "I'm sorry I haven't even asked for your name yet."

    I smiled as we sat down at a table, "I'm Sarah."

    "Lucas, although my sister loves to call me Lucy."

    I laughed, "Why?"

    "It started as a joke when I was a teenager but it stuck. She loves to use it in public, she once called out to me on campus and my classmates haven't stopped calling me it since."

    "What are you studying?"

    "I'm right in the middle of a law degree at the U. What about you?"

    I looked down at the dark wooden table, "I'm helping my father with his work instead of finishing my bachelors in business."

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