Extra post for my birthday month. It's longer than my usual posts but I didn't want to do more than one extra post this month.
-Rose B.
Foreteller
The first one is never easy, but there is always one that never leaves you. At the time it may seem no different than any other, but no matter how many songs you'll sing the memory of it will never fade. It will come to you in the most mundane moments, keep you up at night, and make you wonder if you are going insane. Even as I lay here barely breathing on my own, I still see it as if it happened only moments ago...
The first time I saw him is the image that haunts me the most. Summer was beginning it counterattack against winter. Patches of grass triumphed over the snow's reign. The sky shifted between gray clouds and the blue sky. He was at a table with friends surrounded by the sun's warmth, and when he laughed the sunlight was almost blinding. I was so startled by his smile I almost dropped my books into the dirty melting snow. The skin on his arm was already gray. Every time he moved the Ash fell from him and vanished before reaching the ground. I gave a moment to mourn before continuing on my way.
Honestly, in that first interaction, he was like any other stranger. I didn't have a sense of foreboding about singing for him. I only spoke a handful of words to him and I don't even remember his name. I know child, it's odd that he is the one that sticks with me. I've spent many hours trying to figure out why but I've never reached an answer.
I didn't see him again until winter was in its final struggle. Small pockets of snow only existed in the coldest of shadows where the heat of the clear sky couldn't reach. I bumped into him as he was coming out of a building. the Ash had reached his neck, almost his whole arm looked like peeling paint. I jumped into the shade, trying not to show anything on my face.
He smiled, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
"It's alright," I murmured, my voice little more than a whisper. He didn't reply and maybe he didn't hear me. On my hand, Ash sunk into my skin looking for the similar darkness in me. My eyes followed his carefree back until he turned a corner and I knew I couldn't avoid this any longer.
I saw him more frequently after that, the Ash slowly increasing and smoke pouring from the cracks. I wondered if some part of him knew what was coming. Was his skin rough where the Ash had claimed him? Did his joints creak, bones ache, and muscles spasm? Could he feel pieces of him falling away like old memories? I imagined his smile looking forced as summer progressed but none of his friends seemed to worry or even notice.
Songs are never abrupt, spur of the moment things. The urge always occurs before. You might be able to ignore it for a time but it won't go away. It will only crescendo as the song does. It will feel like it's tearing your throat apart but if you sing to early you won't be able to stop until it's over...
The urge started in the height of summer's rule when the sun beat down, and everything struggled under the heat. Most of his body was covered in Ash but his smile was just as bright. I told myself it wasn't time yet and swallowed the song. The urge grew into a need and I withdrew from conversations, afraid that if I opened my mouth the song would spill out in place of my words. In these moments my throat is so dry it feels like it's sticking together. I hear the melody in my sleep and catch myself humming the haunting tune.
You won't miss the timing to sing, the song won't let you. The song resides in us but it does not belong to us. You will never forget it, but even if you try to sing it any other time you won't be able to. We are just the messengers and when it is time the song will flow like spring water.
It was a day of dark skies, threatening rain when it arrived. I watched from the roof as he chatted with friends. His stride unhindered, unburdened, even though he was covered in smoke and I wondered how he hadn't fallen apart from the Ash alone. Thunder rolled through the air obscuring the sound of the truck. In the next breath, the song burst from my lungs as he was dragged under. The notes started soft but grew with the screams. Rain cooled the air as it waltzed to the shifting melody. Unnoticed by the commotion below, the slow refrain filled up the empty places. Carried on by the sirens it pierced the hearts of all those who heard it. Skin prickled and hair stood on end as the chill settled in their bones.
